Birth as Ceremony

This is a passage I wrote for Eva Bay Greenslade when she was gathering information for her course Shamanic Birth Preparation. It is my understanding that full, thriving life is possible when we regard all life as ceremony, and focus our attention, words, prayers and actions in supporting this as much as we can. Somehow the potency of rites of passage such as birth can anchor ceremony into the foundation of our beings and underpin the rest of our life as it ripples out from that moment with a deep richness. The integration of all our “bodies”; spiritual, mental, emotional, physical etc. - coming together in inescapable presence and full honouring of life that can never be taken away from us, and informs our truth and the fire in our hearts from that moment. Below are some of the ways I brought ceremony into my birth preparation, labour and post partum and it is my hope that some of this might be supportive and empowering for mothers (and maybe others!). Thank you Eva for this opportunity to reflect on and share my journey in this way.

Creation of an altar

Inspired by Amy Rogerson, I created an altar early in pregnancy, and added gifts and amulets throughout as our vision for our child and our birth grew; we had images we created of our dream birth, symbols of love from friends and photographs of relatives who have died. I regularly changed the flowers on the altar, and added bracelets and flowers that were used for my blessingway. It felt as though this created a circle of strength and love ahead of the birth and in the six days between my waters releasing and our baby arriving this altar felt really important for holding us spiritually and protecting my state of mind. We kept a candle burning day and night during these days and I kept looking at the words my partner and I had written with the qualities we loved in each other as parents-to-be. It really supported me to clear any fear and come back into the wonder of bringing forth life rather than spiraling into anxiety.

Using my drum

During pregnancy I was guided on a drum journey with Eva which was really beautiful and gently took me to my circle of support and guidance, as though making a formal invitation to my ancestors to step into circle around me and guide me through this portal. We were in a woodland where I had spent time as a child with my grandmother, and where I spend lots of my time now – it made sacred a place that was in my daily life for walks and foraging during pregnancy.

In the days leading up to birth, when my waters had already released, I was exploring the symbolism of this and the ways I might not yet be ready to birth or our baby may not be ready to arrive. I needed to explore what the gift of this situation was, and what I might be invited to learn from it. Well – maybe I just needed to while away the time without spiraling in fear and anxiety that would land me in hospital! I did a long journey with my drum – the best way I can describe it was travelling with my inner child – to give myself the support and be my own pillar of strength for birth.  To meet the part of me that wasn’t able to take care of herself or lead the way, the part of me that was born before I was ready to be, the part of myself that desperately needed someone to provide for my fundamental needs before I was able to do so for myself. This had been a theme throughout pregnancy, and on the threshold of birth it was as though I was being invited to ask “are you REALLY ready? Do you REALLY want to come fully into your personhood and power? Now is the time YOU CAN CHOOSE to step fully into thriving life”. My drum took me there in ways I wouldn’t know to take myself.

I had a challenging third stage and ended up with a retained placenta, which required a procedure in hospital followed by a few days admission so my placenta ended up in our doula’s freezer for a few weeks. We defrosted it when the time felt right and I wanted to spend time with it in our birth space. We sat with it in the bowl I had planned to birth it into, and I had no words but ended up feeling a pull towards my drum, going on a journey of fully releasing the placenta from my body energetically. I had a palpable sense of my body  and the placenta still being connected and understood how it can inexplicably be the case that women have this issue repeatedly – if you have a retained placenta once there is a one in six chance of it happening again (according to the consultant who oversaw the removal of mine). I had to revisit the emotional space of the retention and allow a release in order for the separation to happen on every level.

I had felt really ostracised in hospital for wanting to keep my placenta; it was something I was emphatic about while they were preparing me for theatre and was one of the first things I asked about when I came around from the anaesthetic. We were asked to sign forms in order for them to release the placenta to us and told that it was considered clinical waste. They refused to refrigerate it and I had been of two minds whether to follow through with keeping it given how much was going on. With hindsight I was so glad to have this organ that had performed the miracle of sustaining life for nine months and being such a big part of my experience of birth. Having my drum as this instrument to journey with the energetic reality of my experience was phenomenally powerful and healing.

Chant/Mantra

Throughout pregnancy I had been joining a weekly Green Tara meditation with Jenny Terbell via The Invincible Hall, and it had been one of my spaces of sanctuary and support. I would always dive deep into the visualization and meditation and loved listening to the mantra being chanted by Jenny, although I didn’t really sing it a lot myself. I also loved listening to recordings of the mantra and had these on my birth playlist. On the day of our birth I found it incredible that I was singing through every contraction – mostly just sounding and making songs up, singing to our baby how much we loved them and couldn’t wait to meet. The one recognisable melody was the Green Tara chant, and to be honest I was both surprised by it coming through as though being channelled and astonished by the sense of peace and holding that I received whenever I was chanting it. She became so present on the journey, especially in the first and second parts of active labour, and her benevolent loving kindness was so real and true for me.

Singing Bowls

I had been playing my crystal singing bowls daily throughout pregnancy as I share recordings with them on a daily email; this was a beautiful support for me throughout all the ups and downs, an anchor point that carried me from my life pre-pregnancy all the way through to the birth when I found other practices going out the window (my usual yoga practice was impossible in late pregnancy, as were the long walks – swimming was my only other reminder of life before pregnancy!). I knew that receiving sound from the bowls was not recommended in the first or last trimester but had felt into it early in pregnancy and it felt really right to keep playing. On the day my waters broke, immediately after playing, I did wonder whether it had been as a result of my daily recording! I think I’ll avoid playing the bowls in third trimester of any future pregnancy – even now three months post partum playing the bowls seems to relax my pelvic floor so I’ll stick to listening to recordings only during this stage another time!

In terms of spiritual support, the bowls meet me in a very intuitive, pre-verbal space. My experience with sound affirms my view (and that of physics) that all matter is made of vibration. When we consciously explore vibration it can meet us on every level of our being, including all the intangible, inaudible, invisible layers of our existence, and weave them into integrity. In terms of pregnancy – to my mind this is a journey of bringing spirit into physical form and the bowls really supported that. They also provided me with a medium for expressing what moved through me without a need to find words.

Space as Ceremony

I set up my birth space in the room that my deceased mother had loved; it is the room I practiced yoga in and would have my quiet time to myself, looking out at the tree she loved. It is the most loved, most private and womb-like space in the house and is a small room with just about enough space for the birth pool. I had an altar in there and had intended to have pictures of my parents and grandparents to invite their support but in fact all I ended up having were precious works of art created or given by people very dear to my heart, along with the candle we had been burning since my waters released. I knew I’d be moving between our upstairs rooms; the bedroom with our altar, the bathroom and the birthing room. This space felt sacred and it really mattered to me who entered. I prayed in the room prior to the birth and it is the space we conducted ceremony for the placenta. Since the birth I’ve had some pictures to remind me of the time leading up to and during the birth and have sat in there to watch the video we made. It’s the space, along with my bath, where I have returned to the birth in my memory to process, unpack, delight and revel in the experience.

Honour/call upon a deity/power/goddess

Green Tara was the only deity I called upon, as above – and with hindsight I had definitely “invited” her in; I looked for a long time for an artwork that depicted her in a way that I could relate to, and received an image of her created by a gifted artist from our weekly meditation group; I knew ahead of time that I wanted to invite the support of Green Tara and following the birth there were two moments that felt really full of blessing, one with my teacher singing the chant for our baby and one with my godmother praying in tongues. Each of these moments felt completely spontaneous and guided by something far greater than human hands.

Call in and feel my ancestors

I consciously prayed for my Mum’s support in the birth, and generally invited support from all of my family who had passed over. Through some of the ceremonial preparation and through visualisation I had a sense of all my ancestors at my back, supporting and watching over us. My family had a long history of difficult birth and caesereans and this was a huge part of the burden I was seeking to clear from our line. I had an intention even prior to pregnancy to clear the womb space and pelvis of all trauma and facilitate a free flow of life through out family line and having a physiological birth mattered enormously to me as a symbol of this – a returning of power and liberty to our family somehow.

Ceremonial preparation for conception

I received deep healing in two workshops with curandera Rocio Alarcon prior to the conception of our child; I remember saying during the first workshop that I felt my womb was being prepared for life; the last bit of clearing was taking place and in the same way you would make a bed with crisp sheets and lay out towels for a guest, it felt that everything was being plumped and prepared with nutrition and love for the welcoming of new life into my body. In the second workshop Rocio was encouraging me to let go of my sorrow following my Mother’s death just over a year prior. At the time this made me angry and I found it difficult to really light the candle for Mum and say goodbye. Following the birth Rocio recounted to me how she had sensed the spirit of our child seeking life and that it was necessary for me to do this work in order to make space for the baby to join us.

I also worked with a phenomenal theraputic practitioner, Amy Rogerson, and in one of our sessions exploring something that was difficult and painful for me – I think my grief – we journeyed with this. What started as a black, obsidian-like leaden lump of pain morphed into a universal vortex, which led to a cave filled with flowers and this beautiful laughing child. This was my experience of meeting Joy, and from that moment I knew the essence of our child before we conceived her physically. We referred to her as Joy all the time she was in my womb even though we were unsure of the sex, and sure enough our child is full of joy and brings it with her to every encounter.